How To Act If A Relative Disallows You In Front Of Your Child
When raising a child, it is essential that there are defined roles within the family. Parents are the ones who discipline and watch over the safety and well-being of their children and are their primary authority and reference figures. However, this becomes difficult when other adults overlook parental norms and guidelines. Therefore, it is important to know how to act if a relative disallows you in front of your child.
The relationship with the extended family is not always easy. Different generations and personalities come together, each with their different opinions and points of view. And the situation gets even more complicated when relatives start interfering in the way we raise our children. However, learning to exercise assertive communication can help us a lot in this type of situation.
How to act if a relative disallows you in front of your child?
Grandparents, uncles, cousins and all the relatives who are part of the extended family make valuable contributions to our lives. They provide us with emotional, logistical and even financial support in many situations. Furthermore, they contribute very positively to the development of children, as they are a connection with their roots and provide a feeling of belonging.
However, sometimes certain basic and indispensable limits are not respected. Ultimately, the education of children is the parents’ task and responsibility, and their decisions must be respected and supported by the other adults in the family. When that doesn’t happen, we can be faced with an uncomfortable, frustrating, and difficult situation to resolve. Therefore, we suggest that you keep the following considerations in mind.
be flexible
If a relative disallows you in front of your child, you may perceive this behavior as a lack of respect, which can lead to conflict. However, it is necessary to keep in mind that this is often not the intention. Discipline is the task of parents, but grandparents, uncles and other relatives have a more permissive attitude towards children. For the same reason, it’s normal for them to want to cater to your whims and please you.
This is natural, so it’s important to be flexible about it. Each rule has an exception and granting certain permissions from time to time does not imply losing authority. Therefore, within certain limits, allow children to enjoy these concessions from their relatives.
Accepting that they buy presents, even if they already have everything, or that they offer their favorite snack, even if it is not the healthiest, will not destroy the educational work you have been doing, as they are one-off occasions.
set limits
On the other hand, there are circumstances that go beyond granting a whim and seem to run counter to the values you want your children to internalize. As a mother, you have the right to set boundaries in education that must be respected by everyone. Thus, it is important that you communicate the problem, assertively, as soon as it happens.
Often, to avoid a conflict, we let situations pass in the hope that they won’t happen again. But what really happens is that they escalate until they reach a point where we no longer know how to stop them. Therefore, it is necessary to be clear from the beginning.
However, carefully choose the time and place to talk to this relative who you feel is pushing the envelope. It is preferable to have this type of conversation alone and, above all, away from the children. It would not be beneficial for them to see an argument between two adults they respect and consider important in their lives.
If a relative disallows you in front of your child, keep a united front
Finally, it is essential that parents form a united front in this type of situation. It does not matter whether we are dealing with one or the other’s family, both must establish the norms regarding the education of children and transmit them to the rest of the family. Likewise, in the face of transgression or excessive meddling by another adult, it is preferable for both to discuss the matter with that relative.
If a parent stands by their family of origin without considering their spouse’s opinion, the message received by the child will be even more confusing and harmful. Parents must work as a team!
